Everyone has one – a celebrity crush. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s not just for teenagers either. I have a couple my self, actually. Ruta Midgentas, Ruby Rose, Halsey and the amazing Vera Farmiga. But the first crush is the deepest and will always be a part of you, no matter how cringing.
My first celebrity crush was lady killer Shane from the L-word. When I say Shane, I don’t mean the actress Katherine Moennig but specifically her character, Shane. This was before I even knew I was into girls and I’m pretty sure she made many women question their sexuality back then. With her sexy smirk, slouchy styling and careless ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude, I thought she was the epiphany of cool. She was hot too, like pure sex in human form. I remember the scene where she kissed Carmen for the first time like it was yesterday and I’ve probably watched it over a hundred times. I tried to rock her look for a while but sadly it didn’t work for me. I only know this because I found some pictures of myself dressed in a white vest and low cut torn jeans. No bra of course. Although this ensemble looks great on tall, skinny people like Shane, my resemblance was probably closer to Willy Nelson. If someone had told me that in 2005, I could have spared myself a lot of embarrassment. Myself and other Shane fans ignored the fact that she was a fictional character. In stead, we tried to track her whereabouts in LA, hoping to bump into her in a bar or skate parks in and around the area she lived. The supposed locations were mentioned on the ‘where is Shane’ Facebook page. I participated in this twice whilst on a business trip to L.A. where I’d conveniently booked myself into a hotel in West Hollywood, more than an hour away from the convention centre I had to visit. It’s a frightening thought that there were actually people out there who snitched on her whereabouts so all the stalker idiots (including myself) could stand behind a tree and stare at her drinking her coffee. Sadly, I never managed to find her. Our family and friends, worried for our sanity, had to reign us in when our unhealthy obsession got out of hand, reminding us of how creepy we were. It definitely kept us busy for a good couple of years but everything fell apart when Ilene Chaiken stopped making the L-word. She basically robbed us from our reason to live. Although my relationship with Shane was entirely one-sided, it took me a while to learn to live without her on Friday nights. I’m happy she’s doing well now and I wish her all the best. The one thing I can’t get over though is that she’s moved on and taken on new roles. Katherine Moennig is and always will be Shane and it’s virtually impossible to picture her as anything else. When I saw her on Ray Donovan, I said: “Oh look, it’s Shane. She’s getting into acting now.” I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.