The dread of editing

I haven’t been blogging much lately. It’s because I’ve been editing my upcoming novel, Lily’s Fire. At first I was excited. I had the comments back from my editor and was impressed with what he’d picked up on. I followed his advice for weeks on end until I came to the point where I wanted to pull my hair out. It didn’t feel like my own manuscript anymore and it didn’t feel natural. When do you stop? When is the point where you decide it’s good enough for people to read? Because it can always be better…

To be fair, my editor is very good. He knows what he’s talking about and his comments are valuable and valid and I’ve taken his advice on ninety percent of his suggestions. And that’s all good.

It’s the final ten percent that drives me mad. It’s the final ten percent that takes up two months, while writing the damn book only took me six months. I don’t agree with the suggestions and my gut says I have to stick to what I think is right, what feels natural to read, yet I’m new to this and I want it to be as perfect as it can be.

This is my first novel and insecure as I am at the moment, I keep on rewriting certain parts over and over again until I feel like my soul has been sucked out of me. Because writing a book is personal, right? It’s putting whatever is inside your head on paper for anyone to read. And even though it’s fiction, there will always be certain parts of you reflected in your work.

It’s been agonising but finally the end is in sight. I’ve been drinking too much lately because I can’t find another way of doing this without throwing my laptop out of the window. In fact, I’m drunk as I’m writing this now so forgive me for typos. Only fifty more pages to go. It’s midnight and maybe I should call it a day but tonight might be the night that I finally finish…

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